Thursday, December 1, 2011

Getting what you ask for?

I'm not going to get "all religious" on anyone; while I am spiritual, I am DEF not one of those people who attends church regularly or lives the Bible by its every word. I can, with all honesty tell you though, if you ask God (or the Universe, for that matter) for CAREFUL how you word it!

I asked for a husband to protect and love me, and I definitely got that in Wayne! He drives me insane, but I am sure that my erratic behavior makes him want to run away screaming at times. He loves me and tolerates me when I am all "Gemini" and overly emotional and eccentric.

I PRAYED so hard for a baby, and we tried for years without success. My younger siblings began having their own, and my heart sank at the thought of being the oldest of 3 and having no children. I was so happy to be their aunt, but it was still hard on me. And then, one day, it happened. Our lives are so much fuller; I wouldn't give that up for the world!!!!

So, I have been banging my head up against a wall for a while now. Daycare drama and my longing to be a full time mommy make me YEARN and ACHE for staying at home with the wee one. I've been trying to figure out a way to make money from home, so as to not burden Wayne with all the financial weight. A yoga certification, but no place to teach (I don't want to teach at a gym and my home just isn't "meditation-friendly"); MAD skills at baking (supposedly I make a cheesecake worth killing someone over), but NO "city approved kitchen" to use; 2 books that are ready to publish, but I've kind of put them on the back burner because that's not "steady income" to me. I have tons of talent, but I am too scatterbrained to get into one direction (Thanks Gemini).

I prayed and meditated for a path to come to me, so that I could still pull my weight financially, but be able to stay at home with Camilla. AND now, I'm practically being dumped in the dust! An inevitable lay-off, but we aren't sure how soon. Could be tomorrow, maybe next month? I want to stay home, but I am MORTIFIED having no real savings to fall back on. I guess, if times get tight, I could cash in part of my life insurance? I'll have a tiny nest egg of 401k that I'll have to pull out when I am let go. BUT, that will only last so long, and we are all on my medical no insurance?

OH the stress! So here I am, putting it in God's hands. If I am supposed to continue working for someone else, a job is going to pop up that I cannot refuse! Otherwise, I'll be blogging A LOT MORE in the future!



Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles but glad to hear you will be here more again, finally got caught up on every entry after a few days. It was great to see how much you grown over the years and went from point A to B.