Thursday, December 1, 2011

Getting what you ask for?


I'm not going to get "all religious" on anyone; while I am spiritual, I am DEF not one of those people who attends church regularly or lives the Bible by its every word. I can, with all honesty tell you though, if you ask God (or the Universe, for that matter) for something....be CAREFUL how you word it!

I asked for a husband to protect and love me, and I definitely got that in Wayne! He drives me insane, but I am sure that my erratic behavior makes him want to run away screaming at times. He loves me and tolerates me when I am all "Gemini" and overly emotional and eccentric.

I PRAYED so hard for a baby, and we tried for years without success. My younger siblings began having their own, and my heart sank at the thought of being the oldest of 3 and having no children. I was so happy to be their aunt, but it was still hard on me. And then, one day, it happened. Our lives are so much fuller; I wouldn't give that up for the world!!!!

So, I have been banging my head up against a wall for a while now. Daycare drama and my longing to be a full time mommy make me YEARN and ACHE for staying at home with the wee one. I've been trying to figure out a way to make money from home, so as to not burden Wayne with all the financial weight. A yoga certification, but no place to teach (I don't want to teach at a gym and my home just isn't "meditation-friendly"); MAD skills at baking (supposedly I make a cheesecake worth killing someone over), but NO "city approved kitchen" to use; 2 books that are ready to publish, but I've kind of put them on the back burner because that's not "steady income" to me. I have tons of talent, but I am too scatterbrained to get into one direction (Thanks Gemini).

I prayed and meditated for a path to come to me, so that I could still pull my weight financially, but be able to stay at home with Camilla. AND now, I'm practically being dumped in the dust! An inevitable lay-off, but we aren't sure how soon. Could be tomorrow, maybe next month? I want to stay home, but I am MORTIFIED having no real savings to fall back on. I guess, if times get tight, I could cash in part of my life insurance? I'll have a tiny nest egg of 401k that I'll have to pull out when I am let go. BUT, that will only last so long, and we are all on my medical benefits....so no insurance?

OH the stress! So here I am, putting it in God's hands. If I am supposed to continue working for someone else, a job is going to pop up that I cannot refuse! Otherwise, I'll be blogging A LOT MORE in the future!

~Ciao

1 comments:

Senor Granto said...

Sorry to hear about your troubles but glad to hear you will be here more again, finally got caught up on every entry after a few days. It was great to see how much you grown over the years and went from point A to B.