Monday, January 3, 2011

It's 1022pm

I've been sleeping less and less lately. My mind races as I let my plate overflow, and I show no intention of stopping it! Until now....

I have decided to start modeling again, and while I'm getting amazing feedback from it, I'm letting it consume my thoughts. I've stopped painting, stopped writing, stopped breathing practically. I'm constantly combing casting calls and ads for work. I just want to be able to make a living from home; to provide for Camilla and Wayne, doing something I love.

I have to slow down. There is NO possible way to finish up my certification for yoga, and keep up with all of these other things. I am already complaining about not having enough time in the day to play with my daughter.

I must learn to prioritize and set time for each of the things I love. One day I'll work on painting, one day set for writing....DAMMIT, art doesn't work like that though; I'm already scatterbrained enough!  LOL

I need to sit back and remember what makes me happy; obsessing about making money and wanting to stay at home with Camilla has somewhat clouded my entire existence! I feel like a zombie walking around in a TERRIBLE horror movie, and I'm embarrassed and very conscious of what's going on!

I am so out of it....I've lost touch somehow, somewhere, and I have to find myself again! This is priority ONE. In figuring out where I FLEW off the road, I will be able to resume my journey. Things will fall back into place at that point, and my path will become a little less confusing.

One of my first loves, and what little girl doesn't write poetry? Whether it's falling in love for the first time, or taking some magical vacation, something always sparks a girl's interest and a poem is born. For some of us, it becomes an obsession....for others, just a phase. I have JOURNALS and JOURNALS; napkins, notebook paper, post-it's, pieces of wood, pieces of cardboard....

Anyway, my mind is starting to clear, and relax....and it's kinda hard to continue typing with a 22 pound toddler in my lap, so I'll end here, but just for tonight. OH yes, there's more to share.

Thank you, for those of you who do read....and for all of the support via facebook, twitter and here on the blog! I love you all!



Confessions of an Insomniac said...

Humans are always searching for happiness, and it is in that pursuit that discontentment lies. I would love to give you advice on how to overcome this, but I face this struggle too. Just hang in there and quit being so hard on yourself. I love you, girlie :)

Gigi Henson said...

....and I love you! Thank you for your amazing friendship/sisterhood/support over all these years! You mean the world to me girlie! <3

bigsands said...

You need to punctuate all of this with a holiday. This has the benefit of giving you time to recharge your battery, prioritise and then focus. Consider this; a sick doctor is no use to anyone.

If it works for you, hire a band and throw a party!

best regards,

Anonymous said...

I can barely type with my cat in my lap, couldn't imagine doing it with a toddler.