Thursday, March 11, 2010

Lost Loves (are lost for a reason!)

I won't go into detail, but my sister got arrested last week. In a strange twist of fate, the state she was arrested in LOVES to display its inmates for all to see (humiliation is a good form of punishment for some).

For some odd reason, I had a dream about a guy I kinda dated WAY back in junior high.....haven't thought about him in AGES (to be honest, right out of high school and early into college), and only then because the woman who gave birth to me mentioned his name. I was actually just newly dating Wayne when she told me how she saw him in town; he asked about me and told Marty to not say, but he'd been in jail for a bit (drug charges or something).

I logged on to the site this morning to see if they'd posted my sister's next court date, and I decided to look up this guy.....WOW. He'd been arrested SEVERAL times over the years for drug charges! In awe, I'm looking at his mug shot, thinking to myself, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED to this guy?!!!!? He had dreams; yes, he had a hard life back then and was exposed to drugs constantly, but SO WAS I???? He played football, and would write me letters through the week, talking about his dreams of getting out of small town A and becoming something bigger. We only saw each other on the weekends, as he lived in the next town over. He'd come to stay with his grandmother....to see me.

I saw him smoke a joint with my mother, and this disturbed me, seeing as he was only 16 at the time. I wrote him a very long letter and broke up with him. I knew, even back then, that was NOT part of my future. I knew he didn't do it all the time, but the fact that he knew I didn't like it, and did it with my mother of all people.....

I know that life guides you on a path; you can chose various routes to change things in your life. I could have stayed with Marty, chose to ride it out....I feared that my future down that path would only lead to teenage pregnancy as a rebellion against my mother....or worse, to my own demise in drug abuse. Kind of like what's happened to my sister! And I KNEW, even at 12 that I wanted MORE and BETTER for my life! Had I stayed there, and maybe even with THAT guy....I'd be a shell of a person, robbed of life and the vigor for it! I am pretty certain that I would have been pregnant before I got out of school, if I even finished!

People, look back at your past and realize....EVERYTHING happens for a reason; you can chose to become a victim of your past, let it rule your life....

OR, you can take those experiences (no matter HOW horrid or trouble-filled they seemed) and turn them into POWER; power to make your life WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE!

I still have issues, yes, but it's more like a scar. I look at it once in a while and realize how bad it hurt, but I turned it around and made it work for me. I've allowed it to help me...teach me HOW NOT to be, and let it remind me daily of how my life could have turned out had I not fought for something better!

~Ciao

6 comments:

Jacklyn said...

I agree with this 100%! I was exposed to certain things that my sister did and who she hung out with. I knew the type of people my father were friends with were not the ones that you wanted to be around late at night (bikers). Don't get me wrong, they knew who I was and whose daughter I was, but when alcohol and other things get mixed in, making right choices can go out the window. However, I knew MY own boundaries and knew what choices I could make to make sure I don't end up becoming something I didn't want to be.

My 20's were more of a hit for me because of who I was with and how I allowed myself to be influenced by bad choices and making my OWN bad choices. Now, I have entered my 30's and I am looking forward to all the wonderful things that I am going to get to experience and know that it is going to take a lot of work to do it. That's OK though. Life is not easy and depending how I make my choices I KNOW I will succeed.

Gigi Henson said...

Woman, you have an amazing heart and a STRONG head on your shoulders; of COURSE you're going to succeed! ;)

Corey O'Connor said...

This is so, so true. Thank you for posting this.

Jim H. Moreno said...

I too have a sister who has went awry. She had 4 (?) kids by age 21, and only last year got out of state prisons after some 4 or 5 years.

We both grew up in the same areas, but that is about where our similarities end. In fact, to look at us together, you couldn't even say we are siblings. How did we both begin in the same place, and now be so totally opposite? The only thing I can credit it to is choice. The choices I made and the choices I didn't make. Not saying my life has been wine & roses, of course. I've made more than my share of bad choices, but every day I awake to not making the same ones again. I think that's a big part of it, for all of us.

Confessions of an Insomniac said...

I like this, Angela ... sorry your sister was arrested. I hope she straightens up sometime in her lifetime!

Senor Granto said...

Best entry on here and only makes me admire you even more.