Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sometime, it's just nice to be noticed!

Sitting in the back of the room....that's always me! Being 5'10" and skinny all my life, I've felt like a freak. I still catch myself slouching and walking with my head down, to try to avoid anyone noticing me. There are times when I thought that I'd beat this insecurity, but I guess that I was wrong!

While I know that I value "ME" as a person (I know I'm intelligent and pretty well-rounded as an individual), I still get that gnawing feeling once in a while. Its rearing that ugly head right now, for some reason?

Maybe it's the toll of Wayne working at night and not getting to see him as much? On the weekends, we're both so busy with projects that we really aren't spending time together...and the time we do have, we're probably sleeping or playing with Loli.

I don't think that's it....I'm thinking that this is stemming from my wanting acceptance as an artist. I have 3 major projects going, all at once, and I want someone to notice....I want one of them to be so significant that it impacts someone RIGHT NOW!

I have no patience!!!! Plain and simple....

Maybe it's just this gloomy weather; I guess I could blame it on my little sister and her indifference to people that truly LOVE her!

I am currently looking for an excuse to duck out of the office on the 18th to avoid dealing with "potluck holiday luncheon" too, by the way. My awkward teen is rearing her goofy, poofy head! I just cannot stand having to interact with people THAT way....in years past, the people that eat the most, are the people who DON'T bring anything! And I am particular about what I put into my body anyway....I don't trust the cooking of some people! I mean, how clean are they at home when they pee on the toilet seats here at work???!!!???

WHAT in the hell bit me on the arse to put me in this mood?????????????

HELP me, please..................


Jacklyn said...

I attribute it to the weather. I myself have more "self-doubt" when the weather is all gloomy for so many days. It is sorta the main reason I got my hair done yesterday. I told myself I was going to get it trimmed good and THOUGHT about doing something to it but, at first was very hesitant. I have a tendency to not treat myself to certain things i.e., shopping, hair/nail fun, ect. just because I am thinking about all the other stuff that I could be doing with my money. So, I just went with my feelings of: "Yes Jacklyn. You deserve this so do it." And I did. I feel good about myself for doing. Now, I can focus on the other things that were keeping me from enjoying myself. LOL

As far as the food situation with work: Do what YOU want to do. The projects you are currently working on: FABULOUS and looking forward to many more. :)

Anonymous said...

I was always tall for my age and a misfit too but i am proud to call you my friend.