Thursday, November 19, 2009

When you step back and look....

Yesterday, I mentioned that I was putting together a poetry book (to a co-worker). He asked me if I was planning on quitting my job and living off the royalties. "I wish; I just don't know if my writing is strong enough to pull in that kinda money.", I laughed. He kept asking me questions about quitting....I didn't even think about it, because I just had Camilla, and most women (who can) will quit their jobs to stay at home with baby.

This morning, my boss comes into my office to talk about a conference call that I need to be a part of...then she tells me that she's a bit worried about what will be discussed. I (half jokingly) confessed to her that I didn't think I would have a job to come back to (from maternity leave), and prepared myself for the "we're having to let the little people go" speech. She assured me that if there were lay-off's, we'd all be going. She is worried, though, therefore I'm having a bit of a panic attack now.

Last night, for the first time EVER, I dreamt of Wayne and I getting a divorce. In the dream, we were in process, but something felt so "out of whack". My heart ached a little, but I remember feeling trapped and the urge to get out of this little trailer I was (literally) locked in. Any time that he and I interacted in the dream, we were normal. I didn't feel animosity toward him; it just didn't feel like I was divorcing him! He even told me he loved me a few times in the dream, and he was his normal self!

Being that I LOVE interpreting dreams, I always analyze my own. I kept trying to figure out what I was separating myself from that would make me have such a dream? I know I haven't been able to hang out with friends like I want; there's the holidays coming up, and the fact that I don't want to spend them running all over creation with the baby; I've not been speaking to my sister as much (or my brother for that matter). WHAT is it????

Is this I about to be separated from MY JOB!!!???!!! Please NO; I love this job; I REALLY love my benefits (and my boss)!!!!! I've had premonitions before; I've dreamt things that have happened; I am usually ON THE MONEY during tarot have I envisioned my own lay-off, wrapped in a mysterious (and scary for me) dream??!!??

I hope that I am over-reacting, but now that I'm putting 2-and-2 together over the past few days....I'm not sure anymore?


Anonymous said...

My mom quit her job to stay home with me but that was a different world then.