Wednesday, June 25, 2008

True Drama Queen?

I will be the first one to admit that I am a drama queen (to an extent). I'm artistically-minded, what do you expect? Plus, if you knew the woman that I had to "look up to" for the first 11 years of my life, you'd totally understand!

Update on my grandfather first-he's been on a "roller coaster" the past few months, that's for sure. He was really bad, and then, PRESTO, he was acting/feeling better. Over the latter part of the weekend, he began getting tired again, not eating as much. My dad called about an hour ago to tell me that Hospice nurses are at the house; "They're giving him less than 2 hours to live."; whatever that actually means! Daddy's just reiterating what he was told and bracing me for the worst (again). Somehow, this time, I think it's the real deal heart feels heavier than when he normally tells me something bad. I guess it's time to truly let go and prepare for "the call".

So, can someone please tell me WHY I am feeling this need for a make-over all of a sudden? I don't mean just changing my hair color either; I mean TOTAL, body, that wrong? Am I just dealing with death in a superficial way? I'm having a panic attack for no reason (well, there is a reason). I feel selfish and dirty right now; like I've been rolling around in the dirt after running 10 miles behind an 18-wheeler with an exhaust problem. I don't cope well with loss. I guess you might say that I'm a co-dependent that way.

Do you think I'd get fired if I ran up and down the halls screaming right now? I'm not sure anyone would even notice.........


Anonymous said...

I don't cope well with loss either and after my grandpa died, i started heavily working out. I think wanting to change yourself is only natural.