Tuesday, March 25, 2008

How precious, the things we take for granted......

Yesterday, I took my sister home from a wonderful weekend in Alabama. The drive up, we giggled and talked about Natalie (her unborn baby) and listened to music. I haven't seen her since before Christmas and had missed her more than I realized. On my drive back home, I cried....I had missed her that much. She is almost 300 miles away, but not too far.

Once I was back in Bama, I went in to finish up some work. I helped my boss out for most of the afternoon, still feeling a pain in my heart and wanting desperately to just go home and mope. Little did I know what was waiting there.

I walk in, the puppies bark, I lay down the mail and my purse on the bar. This is the point where I usually have to peer out into the back yard to see if Wayne's working diligently on something.....wait, he's coming in to greet me! WAIT, he has that look on his face.

Too often, I have either come home from something, or he's walked back into whatever room from a phone conversation with this look on his face. It's the look of overwhelming sadness and loss that I rarely see on his loving face. The look of not knowing whether to break down or start throwing things from angry frustration. There are tears, and my heart sinks even further than before.

We, along with a very loving family, lost an amazing man on Sunday (April 6th). He was an older brother to a few, a best friend to many, a loving husband and new father, and a son to 2 of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Doug made sure everyone was always laughing....I didn't know him as well as Wayne, but I remember he was the big teddy bear that loved to hug EVERYONE. Now, he is gone......

The tears welled up, and the pain that I was feeling was for his mother and his very proud father; for Warz and Tara and their children; for my husband, who stood before me, confused and hurt. It hurts the most, because we all lived at other points and have our own families and responsibilities, and we don't get to visit as often as we'd like. Wayne will hurt the most, because as a friend, he didn't get to tell Doug goodbye. The only solice I could give Wayne was that Doug passed while playing golf....he died doing what he loved (2nd) best. (I'll assume this because he was a new husband and VERY recently new father, and I'm sure THAT was what he loved most.)

We poured 2 shots of bourbon, sat down on the couch and toasted to Doug. Wayne made a few calls to friends of theirs, each time crying and then laughing. After his calls were over, I poured another shot, and we toasted again. He was a great man....he left too early (at the tender age of only 40), and left many who didn't get to tell him how much he'd impacted their lives and made them laugh. I remember him being horrible at bowling, awesome at pool, and one incredible person in general!

Today, I ordered flowers to send to the visitation. Being that it's over 6 hours one way to drive, Wayne was afraid he couldn't take off work. Unfortunately, I know I can't. I don't know if my heart could take being there.....I've never seen Warren cry, and I don't know if I could take the pain on their faces; it hurts my heart now to think about it. I cried again....it's starting right now. I don't deal with loss well. I don't deal with heartache very well either.

RIP Doug, you will truly be missed! Hope you hit many eagles in that big golf course in heaven!!!!

For Doug's family, my heart does go out to you all; I cannot imagine losing someone so young and so full of life. God bless you all and may your hearts feel less heavy soon....although I know how hard it is for me, so I cannot imagine the pain you are all going through. Wayne and I love you each and all....and we're praying for you!


Jim Moreno said...

Beautifully written and expressed, Gigi. My best to Wayne and yourself, and to Doug's family, no matter I know them not. That is beyond all doubt much too early to pass on to the next place, but I hope he lived while he was here.

Confessions of an Insomniac said...

Angela, I am sorry I did not read this sooner. I know I do not know Doug, but he sounds like a great person from your wonderful description. My love goes out to you and Wayne.

Anonymous said...

Damn, 40? How did he die?