Thursday, December 13, 2007

Letting go and Dealing

Hmmmm, it's strange how you can be driving down a road, and it's peaceful and serene and the scenery's pleasing....AND then WHAM!!!! You just hit the biggest pothole, and your car's spinning out of control, and you're trying to access whether or not you can regain control.

That is my life this past month....that very scenerio can describe things to a "T"! The thing that's keeping me sane, is that I KNOW I can regain control. I just hope that the "passing cars" don't hit me, or that my spinning doesn't cause another "wreck". This won't be easy, but I will get through it!

Last week was so exciting. I talked with Wayne about starting my business. Got a website started (temp; my friend is doing some cards for me; things just seemed to be clicking......and then, THE DRAMA!!!

My sister over blew a situation, and of course was oblivious to most of the facts. She took what she wanted from the situation and ran with it (her version). I was actually ok with it either way. I just cannot tolerate negativity anymore. I'd rather erase it from my life, because to me confronting it is adding more fuel to the fire. It's her life anyway, not mine. So, that being overcome....I set my mind back to the positive and building up this awesome business.

Back on the path: I had a wonderful weekend filled with quality time with some friends, a great holiday party, and Wayne and I working on some more renovations. Things were just "peachy"! :) Monday was fairly uneventful; Tuesday, my daddy came into town and spent some "Daddy-Daughter" time (he even ate some of my vegetarian snacks and liked them!!!).

Last night started out great. A friend of mine (he's Italian) sent me a wonderful recipe-authentic Italian!!!! I stopped by the store and bought all the right and freshest ingredients and a bottle of white wine. At home, Wayne and I listened to Christmas music on satellite radio while I cooked. We shared a glass of wine and giggled, talking about our day. Dinner was WONDERful (thanks again Luca!), and we watched a movie while we ate.

I got a call around 8 from my dad. He'd gotten word about some test results for my grandfather. (last year, pappy had bladder cancer and had to go through several months of treatments. Last month, he went to the hospital and they found a tumor in his brain. He did a radiation treatment for that, then went for more tests.) Daddy told me that the doctors aren't giving him much time. Apparently the treatments aren't going to get rid of the cancer, just prolong his time here with us. I've only suffered one great loss in my life; when I was 17 I watched my Granny (maternal grandmother) pass away from cancer. Outside of that, I've been blessed with healthy family. BUT, I'm praying that the doctors are wrong.....

So, how do you let go? Honestly, I miss my sister. I remember her when she was innocent and unaware of her actions. I remember when she'd look up to me and expect nothing but a hug and kiss. I just cannot deal with the drama that she causes, and it's a constant thing. I don't even know if she realizes sometimes that she does it. Is she one of those people that is a product of her upbringing; one of those people that enjoys being the "victim" of their life, instead of using those experiences to make them a better person? I told myself a LONG time ago that the only thing Marty taught me was what kind of person NOT to be; how NOT to treat people! And I strive to be a good person.

My grandfather has lead a great, long life. I have only good memories EVER of him. He used to take me up in his little airplane and do dips and rolls; what an adventure! He'd drive us up to this little convenience store (we lovingly called the "yellow store" because of the bright yellow fluorescent lights and paint) and buy us candy. OHHHHHHH, if ever there was a man, outside of my husband and my father, to impact my life, it's definitely been him. He taught me about saving for retirement before I even understood what it meant, but I listened! I have so few fond memories from my childhood....he's in almost every one of the good ones. I won't let go, but I will respect when he's ready to! I just pray that I am strong enough to be strong for those who can't be......



Anonymous said...

You really are better off without people who play the victim card all the time, family is what you choose not your blood.